Singles’ Dating Convention

Being single during the holidays tends to bring some singles into a state of melancholy, damping out their chances of finding a mate.  Remember, happy, interesting and available singles have more opportunities finding a relationship.  Yes, I’ll admit it’s disheartening to see all the Kay Jeweler’s commercials where some in love guy is giving his darling a new token of his affection in the form of jewelry.  Or even, “The Biggest Loser – Final” watching, tearfully, the Live marriage proposal.  Though, this is not a time to be bitter about the fact that you’re spending the holidays without a mate.  This is your call to action!  Rejoice and renew your zest for life.  Push aside those blues and take charge of the holidays.  You’ll enjoy the holidays and be everything BUT alone!  Here are some great opportunities for you to take charge of the holidays:
 
1.) Explore the World – plan an adventure for yourself or even with another single friend; the holidays are a great time to travel and discover new places and meet new people.  Money a little tight?  No worries, you can plan a day trip to another city close by.  Go online and find a city’s Convention and Visitors Bureau website and look at their calendar of events.  There’s always something interesting going on, even if it’s only 20 miles away. 
 
2.) Throw a Holiday Party – get together with a couple of other single friends and plan your own holiday party.  It’s always more fun to share in the planning, and expense.  And no need to plan an expensive party – Hot wings, dips and chips, fresh veggies, cheese and fruit tray, or make your own sub sandwiches, and a delicious dessert is plenty!  Don’t cook?  No problem.  Check out your local grocer’s deli – they have it all ready to go for you.  Make sure to send out an Evite to all of your other single friends and encourage them to bring a single friend too. You’ll have a blast and maybe meet someone special!
 
3.) Give of your Time and Talents – the holidays are a perfect time to volunteer to help those who are less fortunate. You can’t focus on your own problems when you are contributing to others. One of the best resources for finding volunteer opportunities is to check with your local Volunteer Center.  They’re like the Grand Central Station of volunteer opportunities.  All local charities needing volunteer help send their requests to them.  Another resource is actually on meetup.com, one of my personal favorites is Random Acts of Kindness.  They are always looking for people to help with one of their volunteer opportunities.  Also, if you have a favorite charity or love of some cause, you should check with them directly by visiting their website or calling them directly to see what opportunities are available.  Additionally, if you’re a member of a church, check to see what your women’s or men’s group may be doing to support a local charity.  You never know what good you can do in the world, until you give of yourself through volunteering. 

So, get out there and embrace the holidays with a cheerful spirit!  You’ll be glad you did. Remember: happy, interesting and available singles have more opportunities finding a relationship.

You can learn a lot about yourself and dating when you go to your High School Reunion, especially your 20th.  For me, it was the realization of how much of an immature teenage girl I still am.  Crap!  At the 10 year reunion, everyone is still young, beautiful and posers.  At your 20th, it’s time to face the music of aging and reality.  You could tell the ones who had “grown up” and the ones that needed to “shut up.”  Unfortunately, I am one of the latter.

A thirty-eight, mother of two, successful entrepreneur, blah, blah, blah, you’d think, “Wow, that lady has got it together.”  Wrong!  I’m evolving.  With the cold splash of reality hitting my face at the reunion, well, I realize that I still have a long way to go.  My reunion proved that I’m stuck in the need to impress others, and to prove myself.  For instance, in preparation for the event, I felt it absolutely necessary to spend lots of money on a new outfit (which is ridiculous since I preach the benefits of frugality.)  And, you might as well throw in the fact that I bought a new car only a week before the event.  I’m sure that was a subconscious program working.  Not that anyone was going to see my car, but that’s just me rationalizing.  The thing is, is to wake up to my life.

Perfect example from the reunion, a successful friend of mine came over to say hello to me.  See this in your mind:  He sits down, his posture is relaxed, and he lounges back in his chair.  My posture?  Edge of my seat, leaning forward.  Who was trying to impress who?  Whose mouth was running at 90mph with a bunch of “look at me,”  “aren’t I interesting,”  “aren’t I a catch?” worthless crap all the way?  You know what he did?  At a break in the nonsensical chatter, he got up, gave me a hug, said “you look great,” and then left.  I was like, “what just happened?”  Duh, the teenage girl strikes again just happened.  What a jackass I was.  I would have left long before he did, if I had to listen to me ramble on.  He was just gracious enough to wait for a pause.

Can you see how this also translates to dating?  I can, especially when you first meet someone.  If you’re stuck in your teenage rut, and you’re really trying to date like an adult, then it’s no wonder your attempts are failing.  Think about it.  Teenagers want to fit in.  They want mass approval.  They are over-dramatic.  They are, at most times, insecure.  They tend to get into trouble.  If I’m admitting to being an adult who is still like a teen, then above summary of a teenager is a hard pill to swallow.  Who wants to date that?

The point is we have options for expressing ourselves.  I/You don’t have to continue with a teenage rut, we can choose to have healthy, happy, long-lasting, adult relationships.  Just be aware of your actions and how you express yourself.  I’m not saying that I’ll or you’ll magically change overnight with this realization.  But it’s a start.  A good start!

Happy Dating!
Melody Glatz
Founder, Singles’ Dating Convention

I recommend that it’s better to view a situation that you take offense to from a different perspective.   It allows you to think more clearly before jumping to the wrong conclusion.   We’ve all heard the old saying, “ Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.”  When you’re having a disagreement, let’s get real, it’s hard too.  When your hackles are raised because you think that another person has slighted you, trying to discern their intent is typically not the first thing that comes to mind.  Though, it really should be, especially in this passionate world of dating, where the mating ritual seems to cause people to do, and say some stupid things.  That’s why it is so important to understand the person’s intent behind their words. 

Recently, I met a really nice guy who asked me out on a date.  Unfortunately my schedule was booked for a while due to the nature of my business and I asked for a date the following month.  We ended up being at another event together and had a brilliant conversation.  Luckily, my schedule was free the next weekend and I gave him my phone number.  All’s well, right?

He didn’t call until Day 5, which surprised me.  After no call by Day 3, I wrote him off.  NOTE TO DATING SINGLES: The 3 Day Rule for calling someone is not meant for people you like. Call them the next day if you really connected.  You want to see them again, don’t you?  The 3 Day rule is for politely letting someone know that you’re not interested in them (by not calling them).
 So, you can see my quandary.  Confusing to say the least, yet it intrigued me.  Why is he calling me now?
 
But here’s the rub, we engaged in a pleasant conversation for an hour, and then he let the wind out of my sails.  “Hey, I met someone at your event.”  Which is fabulous, don’t get me wrong.  That’s why I do what I do…to get people connected.  But again, why is he telling me this now?  Then another blow, when he said that he really wanted to date me, he knew it instantly when he met me.  Though, now that he’s dating someone, he doesn’t feel right about asking me out.  Now, wait for it, wait for it…

“But, if she kicks me to the curb, I’d really like to go out with you.” 

YIKES!  My ego just stood up, saluted and said, “that’s gonna leave a mark.”
 
“Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!”  NOTE TO GUYS:  NEVER, and I mean NEVER tell a woman that she’s your back-up in case your other “relationship” falls through.

No woman wants to hear that she’s your 2nd choice!  In the minds of women, you’ll be labeled a player when you pit one woman against another like that.  Not, in your best interest, gentlemen.

If on the other hand, your intent is honorable and you’re just trying to let the girl down gently, then tell her the simple truth, “you’re not interested,” but only if she asks.  Better yet, don’t call her at all.  Really, guys, it’s okay.  Our ego will thank you for it.
 
So, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.  He really is a nice guy.  There was no malice in his voice.  I’m chalking this guy up to being naïve and not knowing the correct way to let me down easy.  Better luck next time, buddy.  This ship has set sail.  Bring me that horizon!

Happy Dating,
Melody

One of the biggest problems I see in dating after divorce is a sense of desperation.  When you’re married, you’re used to having someone there.  Now, with divorce, you’re feeling a gap in your life.  You miss the companionship.  Sometimes you feel desperate to have that companionship again.  Unfortunately, there are certain pitfalls to being a desperate dater.

Is what you wear out important to how people view you?  Yes! 

What you wear should make you feel good about yourself, as well as make others see your confidence and pride in yourself, how you feel about yourself and how you take care of yourself. 

When going on a first date or if you have been dating someone for a while, it is important to dress for each situation and know that you are presenting yourself each and every time you are with that person.  When going on a date, it is important to “dress” for your date.  If you do not take into account what you will be doing or where you are going, you could end up really over dressed or extremely underdressed.

some rules of thumb for women are:

~fix your hair before you go out
~take the time to do your make up (this does not mean wear thick layers of makeup, just look fresh)
~ choose an outfit that goes with the location of your date (no sweats to the coffee shop or to dinner)
~add those small accents, such as jewelry, a simple purse, a scarf or cute shoes to jazz up an outfit

some rules of thumb for men are:

~take the time to shave and shower before your date
~no cut offs (shirts, shorts, etc) for a date
~choose and outfit that goes with the location of your date (no sweats to the coffee shop or to dinner)
~take time to choose a shirt and pants/shorts that work together as well as shoes

(from Jacqueline Beyer - personal shopper for Singles’ Dating Convention)

The economy is probably the biggest thing on everyone’s mind these days. But there are still great ways to have fun dates on a budget, and still enjoy life. It’s not how much you spend.  It’s how much you enjoy sharing the company of a fun date. And good company can really be a relief from money stress, so don’t make dating just another form of money stress. Consider the following dates for keeping your love life alive and interesting while we weather the economy. 

1. Starbucks. This may be one of the greatest first dates ever. Why? Because they’re everywhere and easy to find. Because it’s a safe, public place. Because a cup of coffee is under $2.00 (under $4.00 for a fancy drink). Because it’s easy to have a casual conversation over a cup of coffee. Because if you just aren’t “clicking”, it’s over quickly, and if you have some chemistry, it’s free to sit there for hours. 

2. Go to one of the many local parks and lakes and take a walk. If you really want it to be fun, be prepared in shorts and sandals to get in the water. Get muddy. Climb the banks and rocks. Have fun and play like a kid. If you’re a single parent dating, eventually you can take the kids – though, save that for when you’re dating exclusively. Early dates are for getting to know one another and build rapport. Find out how fun or uptight your date is. Find out how physically fit and active they are. This is a great date for active and outdoorsy types. You get to “show off” a bit, but in a fun way. 

3. The zoo is an interesting setting with unusual sights to bond over, especially great for animal lovers.  If you want to be extra frugal and have the ability to go on a date on Wednesday, the Fort Worth Zoo offers half-price admission.  And August 1-9, the Dallas Zoo is offering half-price admission.  A date like this gives you plenty of opportunity to talk and be playful. 

4. The Dallas Arboretum or Fort Worth Botanic Gardens (including the Japanese Gardens) are beautiful places to go, and inexpensive.  Learn more about each other as your stroll through the lovely gardens or sit a spell under a shade tree.  For a few dollars more, every Thursday night from April through July and then again September through October, the Dallas Arboretum hosts “Cool Thursdays” concerts on the lawn overlooking White Rock Lake for only $14 a ticket. 

5. The Dallas Museum of Art hosts, every Thursday evening, the award-winning “Jazz in the Atrium.”  Enjoy dinner and drinks while listening to free live jazz concerts by some of the areas greatest musicians.  What’s better than that?  Add a little more culture by visiting the museum’s free exhibits. 

6. Disc Golf. Anyone can do it. It’s like a walk in the park but add a game that requires a little skill with Frisbees.  There are many local Disc Golf courses around the D/FW area.  One of my favorites is in McKinney at the Alex Clark Memorial Disc Golf Course.  It has lots of trees to help keep you cool in the Texas heat. 

7. Mini golf. No one ever really outgrows it. And it gets you into a playful, happy-go-lucky frame-of-mind.    

8. Rock climbing gym. This is another active adventure type of activity. It can really create a bond, as it requires you to help one another. All gyms will give you a beginner’s training for free, so don’t let not knowing how to do it stop you.  It is very safe, but gets the adrenaline going. 

9. Roller skating or ice skating. This is a lot of fun, and you don’t have to be good at it. It gives you a chance to hold hands. 

10. Museums and art galleries are wonderful dates for those who like to share cultured experiences at a low cost.  Look for local art galleries that are showcasing new artists and holding receptions, as they usually have wine and cheese for free, for guests. 

11. Minor league ball games. Tickets are inexpensive and crowds are small, but the game is just as fun as the Majors.  This is the perfect date for sports lovers and it’s easy on the pocket book too.    

The point is to be creative and stimulate your imagination, because the possibilities are endless when looking for great dates on a budget. The economy has hit everyone, and you’re not a lesser person just because you have to be responsible with money. It’s fashionable to be frugal, and it’s all about having fun and getting to know one another. 

For more great tips on dating, visit us at http://www.singlesdatingconvention.com/  

“What’s up with girls at bars and clubs?  I mean, I spend my time and money on them.  We’re hitting it off and they seem to be into me, but it always ends up where they just leave or it goes nowhere.   Why can’t I find a girlfriend in a bar?”

Ah, the timeless question that guys ask me — especially guys in their early twenties.  This particular question came from a waiter that overheard me talking with some friends about the upcoming
Singles’ Dating Convention in Dallas on September 5th.(http://www.singlesdatingconvention.com/)

I asked if he were looking for a girlfriend or something else entirely.  He said a girlfriend and asked for my help with such sincerity, I decided to let him in on a few secrets about girls in bars. 

Secret:  Girls do NOT look for boyfriends in bars
There are basically two feminine agendas running at bars and nightclubs.   We’re either looking to find a NSA sexual encounter or we’re looking for attention.  I’m not saying these are the only reasons we go to bars and nightclubs.  But let’s get real, we don’t really expect to find quality boyfriends in a bar or nightclub.   Right, girls?  You might have a chance with the attention seeker, but the odds are against you.  I will be the first to admit, some couples have met in bars.  They are the exception, not the rule.

So you might ask, if you’re a guy, how do I know who is who.  Good question.  It’s all in the numbers.

Secret: One is the Loneliest number
If you find a girl alone at a bar, she’s the NSA type. The key is ALONE.  A girl alone in a bar or nightclub definitely has moxie.   And quite frankly, she’s probably not in her twenties.  She’ll be the sexily dressed lady, over 30, who makes direct eye contact with men.  She’ll have bought her own drink and won’t be shy when approached by a guy she finds attractive.  She might even come up to you.  She’ll most likely be divorced and wanting to validate her sex appeal.  Basically, we want to find out if we’ve still got it.  Bad relationships tend to do that.  A girl on the rebound would fall into this category and unfortunately, cheating wives too.  Also, I’ve been told that prostitutes tend to use this technique in Vegas, but you’ll be paying for everything.  You’ve been warned.

Secret: More than three, Leave them be?
The other girl, the attention seeker, is more likely to travel in packs.  You’ll at least see two girls together at some point in the evening.  Know this - we always keep each other within sight, in case we need to rescue our friends.  You may have been prey to this if you’ve ever been with a girl and another girl comes up and kisses her and says, “She’s with me,” then whisks her away.   The pseudo-lesbian trick is the oldest in the book.

You might be able to break someone you like off from the pack, but you’re “Never gonna get some of this” as Borat likes to say.  You might get some sexy dancing, a sexual charge, a kiss, a hug, and I’ve even been witness to a feel-up, but you’ll pay in your time and money to keep that girl with you at the club.  Attention is the key motivator, not finding a boyfriend.

Also, if you see a pack of women together at a club and they’re buying their own drinks and dancing together, they’re most likely married women on a mom’s night out.  Don’t even bother.

Secret: Beware the Really Hot Chicks
There’s also the ones that give girls a bad name.  Think “entitlement.”  Some girls think they’re entitled to have guys “pay” attention to them, which means spending lots of money.  Sorry guys, but they’re usually the really, really hot girls.  Some make a game of it.  I’ve overheard in the girls’ restroom two ultra-hot girls making a bet on how many guys they can get to buy them drinks.  I’ve been witness to a friend having a guy at every bar in the club buying drinks for her.  She laughed when she told me that she wasn’t even going to go back to them to get her drink.  I was not impressed.  I’ve even heard of girls pretending to be out for a bachelorette party, because they know that guys will buy drinks and shots when they think it’s her last night of singledom.  Girls, please don’t do this.  It’s no wonder guys are so frustrated. 

Secret: Girls like to bond over common interests
If you really want a girlfriend, get involved with an activity you enjoy or are interested in learning more about.  Meetup.com is a wonderful, activity oriented way to meet people with common interests. Also, many churches have singles’ groups.  Take classes at your local Parks and Recreation department.  There are tons of classes from dancing, cooking, finances and even yoga, if you’re brave.  Have you joined a local gym?  Gyms are an easy place to talk to someone and bond over health and wellness.   If online dating is your thing, check out my other blogs like “How to Create a Stellar Online Dating Profile” and “8 Great Questions to Ask on a First Date.”  Look at other social networking sites like JasonsNetwork.com, Facebook.com and MySpace.com to meet people with interests similar to yours.   Also, the Singles’ Dating Convention gives you the opportunity to mingle and bond over common interests in a safe and honest environment.  You never know who you are going to connect with.  

Guys, just remember that girls like attention.  We crave it.  We like to feel adored and sexy and appreciated for being a woman.  But sometimes we just want it for the night.  If you really want us to connect with you, meet us in a more appropriate setting.  Bars and nightclubs don’t put us in a boyfriend kind of mood.  

As online dating services seem to be the powerhouse fueling the dating scene these days, it’s easy to feel you’re lost in the plentyoffish.com sea, so to speak. How do you get noticed without being a supermodel or a porn star? Sorry guys, but women do not want to see your naked torso as a profile photo.  

Maybe your online profile doesn’t need a total makeover, but some of the suggestions below can help bump your profile from “Land of the Lost” into the “She’s All That” category.  

The Heart of the Matter
Developing an attention-getting profile takes time and effort, as do, choosing the best username, headline and profile photos.  Do a little research and see what the “competition” (I say this lightly) has on their profile. Do you like what they have to say? Do their photos seem to represent them in a positive light? If you were the opposite sex, would you date them?

Creating a profile is on the level of writing a resume. On average, most jobs don’t last more than five years. You’re looking to make a connection that will last a lifetime.  You want to take care in preparing and writing a winning profile that presents your best self. What is it you want the world to know about you? Because when it’s on the internet, the world sees it. I suggest you spend some time organizing your thoughts. Use a notepad to jot down some notes about what makes you special. What desirable attributes, values, interests and hobbies do you have? The idea is to show someone what a fun and interesting, full life you have, even without a mate at your side.  

Most online dating sites have “questions” to help you fill out your profile. Some will have starters such as, “What I’m doing with my life” or “I’m really good at.” Use these as launching pads for fleshing out a Profile Template (an all about me document). I suggest you create it in a word document for cut and paste ease and I strongly urge you to use spell-check. You’d do it for your resume. Also, most dating sites have similar questions to help you build your profile, that’s why having a profile template at the ready is so useful.

I know some of the sites have you list attributes, qualities and values that your preferred mate would have, but I recommend bucking the laundry list trend. You want to stand out as extraordinary, right? The best thing that you can write in these sections is what you have to offer. Basically, repeat your list about you. If you think that integrity, playfulness and health-oriented are what you want most in a mate, you should be able to offer those in return. 

Keep it simple and keep it real. Honesty is still the best policy. Though, remember that this is not the place to ruminate about your terrible ex’s or delve into your skeleton closet. Also, there is no need to write a dissertation on your Star Wars collectibles, as much as you love them. You want to elicit interest from your profile, yet keep it balanced with just enough intrigue. Think of it this way, you want them to know just enough to ask you questions. It gives them the ability to engage you in a conversation.

Speak positively about yourself and life in general. You want to exude self-confidence. We are attracted to people who embody it. Let your profile show the world that you are passionate about life and you’re not trying to fill a void with a mate, that in fact it’s just the opposite. You are looking for that special someone with whom you can share your life with and vice-versa. 

Once you’ve completed your Profile Template, email it to a friend for review.

What’s in a Name? 
A lot can be said about you from the username you choose. A username can elicit a smile, a smirk or sometimes even a look of total revulsion. Choose carefully!   A good rule of thumb is to combine a positive, light-hearted adjective with a noun that has something to do with your interests. Let’s say you like sailing, “SmoothSailing” would work. Maybe you’re a Mensa genius who loves to bake and “SmartCookie” suits you.  For the more adventurous, who like using verbs; “FallingforYou” is a nice play on words for someone who likes skydiving. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something you’d be proud to tell your mom. Anything with sex, sexy or four-letter words are in bad taste. Remember, you want to put your “best” you forward.

News Flash: I’m a Catch
What about attention-grabbing headlines? The same can be said about headlines, as can be said about usernames – choose carefully. Some of the best headlines are engaging, call to actions, quotes or questions. Take for instance “SmoothSailing” might have a headline that reads, “Come sail away with me!” Or maybe you’re a wine connoisseur, “Wine is sunlight held together by water” would engage another wine enthusiast.   Remember your headline is a reflection of you and it is supposed to encourage a potential mate to read on, not be repulsed.

Picture This!
Last, but certainly not least, is a great profile photo to match that excellent profile template you wrote.Physical attraction is one of the first things that spark interest on online dating. If you don’t have a photo posted, you may be eliminating potential matches because they can’t see what you look like. I never respond to profiles without photos, it makes me feel that they’re hiding something or from someone — drama that I don’t want or need.

My recommendation is to go to a professional photographer to have a really nice headshot taken for your profile pic. See if the photographer will do on-location shots. A pic of you outside adds a nice touch. If you do decide to post a non-professional photo, it should simply express the real you. Have a friend take a close-up, devoid of background clutter, of you in the early morning or at dusk. The lighting is much better at those times and you won’t be squinting. 

Include a few candids of you doing an activity you enjoy, such as a sport, playing with your pets or enjoying a day at the beach. Dark pictures, pictures with you and an ex or another person’s limb in the photo, a web-cam picture or a reflection shot in the mirror are absolute no-nos. For goodness sake, smile and look happy and alive. Too often, I come across a home-shot photo that the person looks depressed. Again, if you were going on an interview for an important job you would want to look your best.

Make sure your photos are current. No one likes being conned into a date with a photo of you from years ago and pounds lighter. Be honest with your photos.  Also, update your photos regularly. If you get a new haircut, or change the color of your hair or lose/gain 10 pounds or went on a fabulous trip, add a new photo. A picture really is worth a thousand words and a new partner in life.

Give it Your All
Remember, your profile is your first impression and you only get one chance. So, make it the best, self-confident you. With a stellar profile, you’ll increase your chances of attracting the right mate and making a connection of a lifetime. 

Join us at the D/FW Singles’ Dating Convention on September 5, 2009 at the Plano Convention Centre - Plano, Texas

Register to Win a “Dating Makeover”, Free Event Passes or “What to Wear: First Date Edition”! www.SinglesDatingConvention.com